WHEN DOUBT COMES CALLING: A WRITER'S PLAGUE

     The day I've been waiting for is almost here.  On May 12th, I will graduate with my Master of Arts in English and Creative Writing w/con. in Fiction.  If you'd asked me 2-and-a-half years ago if I thought I'd be standing on the doorstep of graduation, my answer would probably have been, "Most likely, not."  And yet here I am, about to embark on the beginning of yet another new journey: the journey into becoming a writer.
     I must admit that when I began my program, I envisioned myself finishing up with a completed, polished manuscript, well on my way to becoming a successfully published author!  While I will have the majority of my manuscript complete at the end of my second thesis writing class, one question still looms largely on the horizon:  "What now?"
     The logical step would seem to be to begin to get my work out there?  Sounds easy enough, right?  Well, that's when that big dose of self-doubt comes crashing in, in spite of comments from my professors such as: "You're an impressively skilled writer," or "Now Lori's got something to say!"  Then there's the positive comments on my writing received during the peer review process, the most flattering being that my short story reminded my classmate of the writing of Nicholas Sparks.  Add to that my 4.0 GPA, and one would think I'd have all the confidence in my writing abilities in the world.  Alas...self-doubt is rearing its ugly head, filling me with dread and the fear of rejection...which brings to mind something one of my professors said about how a very important part of being a writer is developing a thick skin.  In other words, DON'T TAKE EVERYTHING PERSONALLY!  There will be people who love your writing, and those who don't.  Learning to accept the good with the bad is all part of the process of being an author.
     Yeah...I know all of that.  But knowing it, and being able to do it are two very different things.  That being said, it became obvious to me that I couldn't become a successful author if I wasn't willing to put my work (and myself) out there for all to see.  So, I've entered two of my short stories and my 1-Act Screenplay into a couple of nationwide writing contests.  Baby steps, I agree, but it's a start!  I'm thinking next will be to begin the process of trying to get an agent, as my interest with my first novel lies in seeking the traditional publication route.  Oh...but wait...there will be an editor in the mix there somewhere, both content and copy.  The little voice in the back of my head is telling me to take the "easy" route and try self-publishing.  From what I've learned about the publishing world, self-publishing is far from easy! 
     For non-writers, it might be hard to imagine just what goes through the head of a writer in terms of self-doubt.  Well, the conversation typically goes something like this:  "Who on earth would want to read my stuff?  Why would they care?  I can't compete with those best-selling romance authors!  What chance do I stand of attracting an agent?"  Those are just a few of the battles that rage in my head.  I have to say that all of this made me extremely grateful to come across the work of a young lady by the name of Joanna Penn, whose videos on the subject of writer self-doubt made me feel a lot better!  She reassured me that all writers experience the same type of doubts and fears.  Thank goodness I'm not all kinds of crazy all y myself!
     So, I will do my very best to continue to hone my skills, producing the best possible writing I can.  And, with a little luck, and a lot of hard work, maybe one day I'll realize my dream of becoming a successful author.  I've come this far, in spite of my personal doubts.  Now it's time to set my sights on the future!  Happy writing, everyone!

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Here's a link to one of Joanna Penn's short videos!  Take a look!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IZGohqr-SU

IS LITERARY THEORY RELEVANT IN THE WORLD OF FICTION WRITERS?

The Relevance of Literary Theory

Nine weeks ago, I was a complete stranger to the world of literary theory.  As I skimmed through Literary Theory: An Anthology, I can say with honesty that I agreed with Robert Young when he said that the realm of literary theory seemed “to be an area of intellectual activity barred to all except initiates…[with] literary theorists…making little effort to address a wider audience” (165).  With no exposure to the field, I felt overwhelmed by what I saw at first glance.  I thought back to my earlier academic days and the required readings of many of the great writers: Shakespeare, Poe, Twain, Dickins, and Melville, to name a few.  At that time, I read those works only at what I now understand to be the surface level.  I didn’t have any idea that a knowledge of literary theory could have helped me “discover new ways in which [I] might be able to experience literature even more powerfully [by pursuing] the questions which literary theory raises” (Young 166).  Having studied the literary theories of psychoanalysis, Marxism, feminism, and deconstructionism, I now see the many layers of hidden meaning that can be extruded from a text, adding depth to my experience as a reader and a writer.

In stating that studying the application of literary theory to a text has opened up new layers of meaning, I’m in direct conflict with the very nature of those theories.  “Deconstruction shows how language can never arrive at a closed final meaning, because in the process of getting to that meaning the signs will always leave a residue that remains unassimilable to it” (Young 170).  In other words, the inherent instability of language to convey meaning makes it impossible to establish one universal meaning of a text.  Other theorists, such as Walter Benjamin, suggest that “understanding literature means more than merely understanding language…[it] must be considered in a speculative mode, always mediated through the way of meaning” (Kohlross para. 18).  Taking into account the many controversial ideas of literary theory, Jacques Derrida sums it up when he defines it as “an adventure of vision…a form of writing whose power and significance resides in the fact that it is explorative” (Young 173).  Regardless of which side of the argument you’re on, the worlds that the application of literary theory to any given text opens up signifies its importance and will be what continues to give its methods of study life.

As I studied a few of the many literary theories , I was completely intrigued by the deconstructionist theory.  I spent countless hours scouring any resource I could find in an effort to understand its complicated concepts.  That being said, I think that the psychoanalytic theory will be the most useful to me in my future endeavors as a creative fiction writer.  “The “cognito” or thinking self defines our humanity and our civility” (Introduction 390).  Part of preparing to construct a piece of fiction involves completing character histories, with the goal being to understand the motivations for their actions, allowing me, as a writer, to convey this to my reader, making my characters more relatable.  Keeping in mind the concepts of the psychoanalytic theory as I develop my character histories will open them up to me and let me “know” who they are and why they would behave or react a certain way to particular events.  Granted, a literary theory is typically applied to a completed text, but I can envision many ways that referring to the key concepts of the psychoanalytic theory will help make my writing stronger from the beginning. 

If asked at this point if I believe that the field of literary theory is just for those elitists, my answer would have to be, “No.”  It is an area filled with complicated concepts that can take a great deal of study to understand, but I found it to be worth it in terms of the new ways in which I am now able to look at a literary text, and even my own writing, and find multiple meanings that enrich my reading experience.  I now understand how much more can be hidden within the lines of those classics that I might have once dismissed as boring or meaningless.  My understanding of literary theory allows me to look at an author’s work and realize that he or she really had something to say about the human condition.

Works Cited

“Introduction: Strangers to Ourselves: Psychoanalysis.” Literary Theory: An Anthology. 2nd ed. Julie Rivkin, Michael Ryan, ed. Malden, MA: Blackwell Publishing. 2004. pp.390. Print.

Kohlross, Christian. “Walter Benjamin’s “The Task of the Translator: Theory After the End of Theory.” Partial Answers. 7(1). January 2009. para 18. Web. Accessed 19 March 2107. http://search.proquest.com.ezproxy.snhu.edu/docview/226084562?accountid=3783

Young, Robert. “Contemporary Literary Theory: Its Necessity and Impossibility.” College Literature. Vol. 9. Issue 3. Fall 1982. pp.165-173.